New York City subways are now getting high speed Internet. How about some high speed subway trains?

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

You don't need to play every ball but every ball needs your judgement.

Shepherds lift their heads, not to gaze at a new lightbut to hear angels.

Count blessings and discover Who can be counted on.

I think the world would function extremely well with millions of little cooperative groups, all in relation to each other.

Deindustrialization that I have written about for 40 years left a good part of the American public behind.

I had wanted to be a fish farmer, to be honest with you. I wanted to be an agriculturist. I wanted to have my own fish farm. I was also contemplating surfboard building.

Artists are the gate keepers of truth. We are civilization’s radical voice.

I've always argued, unsuccessfully, that there's no point in giving money to the arts unless you educate people in them.

All the times being like, 'Who rented this car and why are we going to this place?' You take the easy route and go, 'Oh, thanks for the champagne. I'll have another.

My true friends have always given me that supreme proof of devotion, a spontaneous aversion for the man I loved.