Never allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you long enough.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him.

You are one of the rare people who can separate your observation from your perception...you see what is, where most people see what they expect.

Currently I'm working with Parker Fly on a new Midi guitar to arrive next year.

I'm always struck with writing - I constantly feel like I don't know what I'm doing and I'm starting over.

Herman Cain said, starting today, if you buy into his 9-9-9 plan, he'll throw in a free 32-ounce soda.

I know this guy is a musician so I hope he can play us a tune that could get us the hell out of here.

Ultimately, what may be needed to address the obesity problem are direct taxes on body weight.

I definitely have an appreciation for fashion.

Facts are not interesting to me.

I feel sexy when I get out of the tub - your skin is fresh and you've put up your hair without looking.