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Chelsea Handler Quotes: My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It’s really sad, because that’s what my show is all about — what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.
         

My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It’s really sad, because that’s what my show is all about — what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.


Chelsea Handler
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A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.



We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.



Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.



Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.



I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.



I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.



I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.



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You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU


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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.



I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.





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We may believe we are seeking happiness in love, but what we are really after is familiarity.

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A person cannot shine light if he is afraid of the dark.



Yet as I read the birth stories about Jesus I cannot help but conclude that though the world may be tilted toward the rich and powerful, God is tilted toward the underdog.

Yet as I read the birth stories about Jesus I cannot help but conclude that though the world may be tilted toward the rich and powerful, God is tilted toward the underdog.




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History is written by those who hang heroes.



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Quote Description


This page presents the quote "My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It’s really sad, because that’s what my show is all about — what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.". Author of this quote is Chelsea Handler. This quote is about really sad, magazines, whole life, reading, tabloids,.