My mother said "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said "Just wait."

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait."

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit a suicide?

What do men want? Men want a mattress that cooks.

Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you.

I turned down a date once because I was looking for someone a little closer to the top of the food chain.

Love Goddess in training. It could happen.

I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist.

I'm half-Italian and half-Polish. So I'm always putting a hit out on myself.

You can't get a body like mine in a bottle unless you push real hard.

My work is a mitzvah for the eyes & ears...and it will help you forget about your problems by thinking about mine for a change!

They tell us that Suicide is the greatest piece of Cowardice... That Suicide is wrong

They were all on his side. Hi boat sank.

There is only one thing to learn and that is how to love and be love.

Christianity is the very root and foundation of Western civilization.

We are going to save our Second Amendment.

When we look at things as simple as food, it's not about just nourishment and sustaining our life, it is really the seed of our ancestor.

The first day ofschool was always so exciting because you get new shoes and a new backpack, but by the last day of school, you're like, "I don't care. I will wear sweats. Am I done yet?"

I'll attend all my team's games

It's important to be able to keep things fresh, no matter what age you are, or how many years you've been in the industry.

Just as there are O.K.-words in conversationship so there are O.K.-people to mention in Newstatesmanship.