My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!"

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.

Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.

I'm very loyal in a relationship. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms and go, "I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like."

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate.

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with.

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.

Sixty years of virginity tried in vain to dam the waters of instinct as they burst through the granite of good intentions, the rock of irreproachablee conduct.

it is more to my personal happiness and advantage to indulge the love and admiration of excellence, than to cherish a secret envy of it.

Travelers describe a tree in the island of Java whose pestiferous exhalations blight every tiny blade of grass within the compass of its shade. So it is with despotism.

Improve every opportunity to be melancholy.

I have nothing to hide!

The middle of the universe is tonight, is here, And everything behind is a sunk cost.

Whats up with your motto? Will you lead? Will you follow?

My life is one long curve, full of turning points.

Oh," he said to Kiyo, voice completely devoid of emotion. "I see. It's your turn again.

Directing is like guitar playing. That's a unique mind-set and talent, unto itself. I like the idea of putting everything together to make a great movie.