My character - and for that matter my worst habits - could only be described by someone else. You can't open a box with the crowbar inside it.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

These are our neighbours, our co-workers, friends' children... the problem is closer than you think, but so is the solution.

Live the way life does, love the way they does

No fine work can be done without concentration and self-sacrifice and toil and doubt.

Cool is the enemy of funny. You can't be cool and be funny at the same time. Only Eddie Murphy could do that.

Whether a man is a legend or not is decided by history, not fortune tellers.

Jazz washes away the dust of every day life.

They're paying me an outrageous sum of money; $40,000 a week, which is totally silly.

I realized that my righteous indignation was a form of entertainment for me. I loved getting pissed off at injustice. I didn't do anything about it, I just liked the feeling of being pissed off.

Anytime you go through a divorce, you're completely lost, whether you want to admit it or not, or whether you know it or not, you're completely lost.

I never, ever wanted to be an actor.