Most gods find it hard to walk and think at the same time.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

In a world full of oddities, it’s how you outdo yourself within your own schizophrenia of abnormalities, that determines your most interesting self.

Traction equals satisfaction

Faith is not in itself a meritorious act; the merit is in the One to Whom it is directed.

Global interdependence today means that economic disasters in developing countries could create a backlash on developed countries.

Happiness, it turns out, is a skill-one that you can train, just like you train your body in the gym. This is the next big public health revolution. Get on board.

If, at the time when the mind is praying it is distracted by any extraneous thought or worry about anything, then this prayer is not called pure.

…So when the last and dreadful hour This crumbling pageant shall devour, The trumpet shall be heard on high, The dead shall live, the living die, And Music shall untune the sky

I doubt God keeps track of how many arguments we win; God may indeed keep track of how well we love.

I am totally convinced that most grown-ups have completely forgotten what is it like to be a child between the ages of five and then... I can remember exactly what it was like. I am certain I can.

You can't write about a horrible restaurant - if it's a Ma & Pa restaurant no one wants to see you kick Ma & Pa in the chops.