Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

When you perceive a truth, look for the balancing truth.

Find excuses to live. Find excuses to be happy. The world provides enormous opportunities to the courageous.

Some girls have to go to college to discover what they are good at

I might bend, but I will NEVER break because it's in my nature as a strong woman.

Truth grew in my mind like a fungus, and though I tried to sleep it out, there was no resisting the epiphanies.

The goals of content are consumption, then behavior. The goals of social are participation, then behavior.

The man or woman who doesn't forgive has forgotten the price that Christ paid for them on the Cross.

I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come out of the audience and tell me the worst joke ever. It's just a guarantee.

Walk so silently that the bottoms of your feet become ears

Find the courage to seek out your big dream, regardless of what anyone else says or thinks.