Love has been described as a three-ring circus: First comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and after that the suffering.

Teenagers complain there's nothing to do, then stay out all night doing it.

Love is a state of mind which has nothing to do with the mind.

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green pastures: It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my buzz.

The best way to keep your daughter out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.

It is always dullest before the yawn.

The person who knows everything has the most to learn.

If you want your wife to listen to you, talk to another woman.

He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife.

A credit card sometimes adds to the high cost of living but more often to the cost of high living.

I wonder sometimes what would happen if victory was imagined not just as the elimination of evil but the establishment of good...

Science is as corruptible a human activity as any other.

The paradox of challenges

You can’t keep her.”I know that. But I’m not ready to give her up just yet.

Many a humble soul will be amazed to find that the seed it sowed in weakness in the dust of daily life has blossomed into immortal flowers under the eye of the Lord.

If you give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest of men I will find something in them which will hang him.

What I did, I did without choice.

We ne'er can be Made happy by compulsion.

You can't reach America's youth with off the mark radio ads or insulting television commercials

Futurists get to a certain age and, as one does, they suddenly recognize their own mortality.