Los Angelenos dress like they've been focus-grouped.

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon.

Joblessness gives you unlimited access to wealth

It’s easy to get caught up in where the world is going and lose sight of the direction we were headed.

Whether you approach your dreams on soft feet or in a breathless run, just so long as you acknowledge that your dreams are valuable and worthy of pursuing, then you’ve made it.

As we celebrate the evolution of the life of one so special, we embrace the meaning of life, itself.

The actor in me always wants to link himself to a leader who's inspired.

Anyone can be shamed, but feeling guilt requires empathy within.

If it isn't on YouTube, it might as well have never happened.

I thought I was funny as a kid.

I prefer a cluttered workspace.

Drink wine. This is life eternal. This is all that youth will give you. It is the season for wine, roses and drunken friends. Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.