Liked" was the kiss of death. "Loved" or "hated" interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.

I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.

People say it is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.

I said, "Is there!" I told him there is a Mafia school where they teach them math — if Johnny has ten fingers and they cut off two, how many does he have left?

Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe.

Laughing made me feel safe. I was not going to be enveloped by the seediness that coated this world like dust.

I am driven. Being driven is my energy source. It is my fun.…I believe that where there is action, there is movement, and those ripples will eventually produce something positive.

The revelation that personal truth can be the foundation of comedy, that outrageousness can be cleansing and healthy…

The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.

Everything comes out of smoke and mist and nothingness, a mystical happening…

Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.

Manifest plainness, Embrace simplicity, Reduce selfishness, Have few desires.

You've got to love yourself first. You've got to be okay on your own before you can be okay with somebody else.

But Ash, I can't continue to want you from a distance. To love you and not have you. I'd end up in jail if anyone tried to touch you and God forbid you tried to date someone.

Funny how a wife can spot a blonde hair at twenty yards, yet miss the garage doors.

I don't see that anybody needs to earn $12 million for three months' work, quite honestly.

Envy is a spirit of dissatisfaction or opposition to the prosperity or happiness of other people.

Jacián!" She yells again, and then she says something in Spanish. A moment later he comes down the hallway. "I'm going to tell Grandfather you said that," he says. "What do you want?

My father used to say, "Superior people never make long visits, have to be shown Longfellows grave, or the glass flowers at Harvard."

Replace your pursuit of success with the pursuit of contribution.

In breif Sermone ane pregnant sentence wryte.