I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.

People say it is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.

I said, "Is there!" I told him there is a Mafia school where they teach them math — if Johnny has ten fingers and they cut off two, how many does he have left?

Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe.

Laughing made me feel safe. I was not going to be enveloped by the seediness that coated this world like dust.

I am driven. Being driven is my energy source. It is my fun.…I believe that where there is action, there is movement, and those ripples will eventually produce something positive.

The revelation that personal truth can be the foundation of comedy, that outrageousness can be cleansing and healthy…

The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.

Everything comes out of smoke and mist and nothingness, a mystical happening…

Liked" was the kiss of death. "Loved" or "hated" interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.

Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.

It is just as foolish to complain that people are selfish and treacherous as it is to complain that the magnetic field does not increase unless the electric field has a curl. Both are laws of nature.

Whatever evil befalls us we ought to ask ourselves ... how we can turn it into good. So shall we take occasion from one bitter root to raise perhaps many flowers.

The art of effective listening is essential to clear communication, and clear communication is necessary to management success.

There is no joy so great as that of reporting that a good play has come to town.

Drawing takes time. A line has time in it

Some good qualities are like the senses: Those who are entirely deprived of them can have no notion of them.

No one will ever know from what secret I am writing and the fact that I say so changes nothing.

The two defining issues of this century are both universal but felt locally: the global water crisis and the resources boom.

No unborn baby has ever had the right to choose or deny its own destruction.

Things admit of being used as symbols, because nature is a symbol, in the whole, and in every part.