Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

If we have no heretics we must invent them, for heresy is essential to health and growth.

Why belittle others and make a lot of enemies for yourself, when you could earn their utmost respect by teaching them some valuable things?

I now find my political philosophy more in line with Democrats than Republicans.

It is terribly hard to be married, harder than anything. I think one has to be an angel.

There is no logic like the logic of the heart.

In the midway of this our mortal life, I found me in a gloomy wood, astray, Gone from the path direct.

I'm obsessed with choirs, and always have been, because of that sense of overwhelming vocals.

Evolution can't be predicted, Julian used to tell me; it's a scattershot business; it fires, but it doesn't aim.

Logic is the science of the laws of thought, as thought,--that is of the necessary conditions to which thought considered in itself is a subject.