Life is so absurd now that it is almost impossible to be a satirist in this era.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

I have wanted only one thing to make me happy. That thing is everything.

Forget to complain

I've been able to learn a lot through diet and exercise, but I've got to tell you, it's having true love in your life and somebody who has your back 24 hours a day that makes the difference.

[Phil Wood] was a great artist, and he knew things. He could be mildly conversant in several languages.

Think of it more as publishing instead of marketing.Be authentic as a publisher and create content that helps you connect to everyone else...because they're already connected.

The future of marketing belongs to honest information, accurate data and clear claims based on truth.

You can't get too attached to any one shampoo. And conditioner, also.

If you want to be successful in the gym, in the classroom, in college or when you get out and go into the world of work, that is going to be determined by how hard you are willing to work.

Repentance is a characteristic of the whole life, not the action of a single moment.