Life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

read thousands of books and I will power myself with knowledge. Pens and books are the weapons that defeat terrorism.

A lot of the characters I play are very naive, and I don't think I'm like that. And I'm not stupid!

Unconditional acceptance of others is the key to happy relationships.

People go to the movies to see things they haven’t seen before. Call me a radical.

If there's ever an example of the importance of making bold bets and focusing on what you love, it's Twitter.

Rebellions of the belly are the worst.

Until you value yourself enough and love yourself enough to know that, you can't really have a healthy relationship.

Your bat is your life. It's your weapon. You don't want to go into battle with anything that feels less than perfect

God understands. And God understands that part of us which is more than we think we are.

Don't re-open old wounds in order to examine their origins. Leave them healed.