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Jackie Mason Quotes: Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
         

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .


Jackie Mason
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Other quotes of Jackie Mason


Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.



Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.



My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.



It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.



Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.



I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.



On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.



My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.

My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.



America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.



Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.

Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.





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Money buys everything except love, personality, freedom, immortality, silence, peace.

Money buys everything except love, personality, freedom, immortality, silence, peace.



I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.

I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.



Rosie Grier was the springboard to the return of my life.

Rosie Grier was the springboard to the return of my life.



I wonder who would lead us if none of us would vote.

I wonder who would lead us if none of us would vote.



My first paid role was my first job out of drama school, which was Just William. It was a BBC TV show. I played Ethel.

My first paid role was my first job out of drama school, which was Just William. It was a BBC TV show. I played Ethel.



Nothing is evil which is according to nature.

Nothing is evil which is according to nature.



I have a lot of real life experience with hustling and doing stupid stuff.

I have a lot of real life experience with hustling and doing stupid stuff.



Remember what people used to say about meditation? Now everyone is doing it.

Remember what people used to say about meditation? Now everyone is doing it.




Quote Description


This page presents the quote "Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .". Author of this quote is Jackie Mason. This quote is about my girlfriend, wife, please, girlfriend, my wife, ladies and gentlemen, thinking, remarkable, world,.