Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Be kind to one another. Karma will be swift or slow but she will always come.

People say, 'that bump caused me to trip', but the bump says, 'I am where I have always been. It's the wretched ones who can't see, they come my way and trip over!

Documenting little details of your everyday life becomes a celebration of who you are.

Whenever the Germans found the Canadian Corps coming into the line they prepared for the worst.

A woman must combine the role of mother, wife and politician.

I am a different person in NYC. My energy is way different. I just make sense here.

I am rather in favour of dealing with teenage hooliganism.

A kiss without a moustache, they said then, is like an egg without salt; I will add to it: and it is like Good without Evil.

it is only to the extent that we are willing to expose ourselves again and again to annihilation that we are able to find that part of ourselves that is indestructible.

Life is a carousel. It goes up and down. All U gotta do is just stay on.