The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.

...the one certain thing in life is that no one can make the truth untrue simply because it hurts.

Your mother told you all that I could give you was a reputation.

As soon as you think you can do whatever you want and you have whatever great professional in the world waiting to work with you, then you are sunk.

I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees.

Women's networks are a necessary part of life. A mixture of empathy and brainstorming can move mountains.

The more able we are to keep guns out the hand so criminals and spouse abusers all - the better. So the more information we have the better for law enforcement perspective.

All cultural explorers. . . start off from specific roots which color their vision and define the allegiances of the work of art they produce.

Everyone wants a bit of something beautiful.

I've traveled around the world and made love with many satisfied women. So I decided to share my story.