It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.

Somewhere, excitement waited for me like an uncut cake.

A mind without freedom, a life without liberty, is like a heart without love, a journey without a destination.

When the author walks onto the stage, the play is over

Don't give up, what've you do; eyes front, head high to the finish. See it through!

I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke but I don't want to get audited by the IRS.

My dad was a soul fan and a singer himself, and he loved vocal harmony, stuff like the Beach Boys and Motown like the Four Tops, which was a big influence on me.

Revival is when God gets so sick and tired of being misrepresented that He shows Himself.

Love is where it's at. I'm not speaking of sexual love. I'm talking about where you love each other, want to do the best for each other and just just are happy you found each other.

People don't change. If anything, you get more set in your ways as you get older, not less

We're living in an increasingly nationalistic, xenophobic time, and you can see it reflected in societies all over the world.