Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.

An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.

The man who is not afraid of danger is not a hero, but a psychopath.

You can keep a dog: but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.

In England only uneducated people show off their knowledge; nobody quotes Latin or Greek authors in the course of conversation, unless he has never read them.

Many Continentals think life is a game; the English think cricket is a game.

A dog will flatter you but you have to flatter the cat.

I asked many friends if Australian anti-intellectualism was still a living force and they all told me it was. If you are above average intelligence, hide this embarrassing fact.

The English are always ready to admire anything so long as they can queue up.

The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today.

Philosophers, for example, often fail to recognize that their remarks about the universe apply also to themselves and their remarks. If the universe is meaningless, so is the statement that it is so.

You yourself have to change first, or nothing will change for you!

Go according to your curiosity.

The first and most imperative necessity in war is money, for money means everything else - men, guns, ammunition.

Faith is huge and I am a proud Christian. I think it would be difficult to have a career like the one we have without having faith.

If you do not specify and confront real issues, what you say will surely obscure them. If you do not embody controversy, what you say will be an acceptance of the drift to the coming human hell.

To please men and to kill parasites are the only uses tobacco-its ultimate effects are the same in both cases.

In the heart of the slaughterhouse -- always -- enough room to nourish the awe.

In order to stay out of trouble I worked in industry. You can't even do that nowadays; there were all those factories.

I could eat my body weight in sushi.