It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?

You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.

We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

How do evil people find the strength to do good?

Your real self may be hiding somewhere, look for it within, when you find yourself, you can freely be what you want to be.

Evidence is of no longer consequence when hope enters the fray, and this iswhere faith is born—a seemingly abundant commodity certain powerfulorganizations feed on fervently, if not lavishly.

Orlando naturally loved solitary places, vast views, and to feel himself for ever and ever and ever alone.

Remember some books are meant to be tasted, some books are meant to be chewed and, finally, some books are meant to be swallowed whole.

well that's convenient, i guess blessings are easier to come by than i thought. maybe i should ask for blessings on my mission against all those who wear white after labor day

The old faiths light their candles all about, but burly Truth comes by and puts them out.

Where did you learn your charm—the gulag?

My wife's a lot younger than me ... thirty years difference . . . You should never marry a woman a lot younger than you ... Never.

My father taught me things about body language that psychologists have been catching up with ever since. He always knew when I was lying, because my posture was all wrong.