It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

Selling out is usually more a matter of buying in. Sell out, and you’re really buying into someone else’s system of values, rules and rewards.

I remember watching the Grammys and looking at the performances and crying to my mom, saying how much I wanted to be there.

As a kid, I used to run around our garden waving a stick and pretending to be a million different people. That's why I became an actor, really.

Tammy Faye, I pray for every day. I really liked her. I wanted to be in their family.

When they're good, I like working with new actors.

I think it's ridiculous to try to sell records to teenagers, because teenagers don't buy my records. And there ain't that many teenagers out there in the marketplace.

At the end of the block where I used to live in Coconut Grove in Miami, there's a swampy area, a no-name alcove with a little mangrove estuary. It's beautiful.

In today's world, when many of yesterday's fashionable habits are today's misdemeanors, we should rejoice that a chocolate dessert can bring so much innocent pleasure.

I consider myself to be first and foremost a comic writer. The way I entertain myself - especially in those long and grim hours in the office - is to write stuff I find funny.

Congress is going to start tinkering with the Ten Commandments just as soon as they find someone in Washington who has read them.

All I know is that my best work has come out of being committed and happy.