It's always irritated me that people say, 'Where's the action? Oh wow, there's no action here; let's go somewhere else.' These people will never find the action.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

Perhaps the most important factor of leadership is simply taking advantage of the chance to lead.

We seek not for forgiveness, but the freedom and time to do more than ‘exist’.

When you don't understand, you depend on reality. When you do understand, reality depends on you.

Too much sensibility creates unhappiness and too much insensibility creates crime.

I'm going to have classical piano lessons next.

In music, you collaborate with people. It's supposed to be a mutually beneficial thing.

Teachers teach and do the world good, Kings just rule and most are never understood

Time is so fast that all times are past times! When you look at a photo of the past, you must know that you are already in the album, someone else is looking at your photo! All times are past times!

Thank God for the bomb. Nuke ya, nuke ya.

And he’s just plain odd. And what is your problem that you keep putting yourself in my way? (Geary) She’s feisty, Skotos. I can see the appeal. (ZT)