It's a good thing I stayed in Cincinnati for four years -- It took me that long to learn how to spell it.

Well, there are three things that the average man thinks he can do better than anybody else. Build a fire, run a hotel and manage a baseball team.

You mix two jiggers of Scotch to one jigger of Metrecal. So far I've lost five pounds and my driver's license.

I bet you don't know what is the first thing Little Leaguers always ask me, 'How much money do you make?'

The trouble with having a wired jaw is that you can never tell when you're sleepy. You can't yawn.

The main quality a great third base coach must have is a fast runner.

On Jose Gonzalez changing his name to Jose Uribe: 'He was definitely the player to be named later.'

I've had more numbers on my back than a bingo board.

I’m a fake fact factory. The things I make are the things I make up. Also, as a side business, I make love. Actually, I just made that up.

Some cynical Frenchman has said that there are two parties to a love-transaction: the one who loves and the other who condescends to be so treated.

There is something fascinatingly awkward about an author photo. I'm drawn to those glossy shots in the back of books, mostly because the subjects never look happy to be there.

We have to believe that our prayers, if pure and powerful can transform any catastrophic situation, regardless of its magnitude.

Unlike a lot of people, I don't need the affirmation or anything.

If misery loves company, misery has company enough.

Never relax, for you will not attain to the possession of true spiritual delights if first you do not learn to deny your every desire.

Most movie stars don't change their look at all.

We still have a choice today: nonviolence coesistence or violent coannihilation.