It dawned on me then that as long as I could laugh, I was safe from the world; and I have learned since that laughter keeps me safe from myself, too.

Be awfully nice to them going up, because you're gonna meet them all coming down.

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

Make someone happy, Make just one someone happy, And you will be happy, too.

Everybody wants to get into the act!

My nose isn't big. I just happen to have a very small head.

All of us have schnozzles... if not in our faces, then in our character, minds or habits. When we admit our schnozzles, instead of defending them, we begin to laugh, and the world laughs with us.

Everybody wants ta get inta da act!

Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.

Don't put no constrictions on da people. Leave 'em ta hell alone.

What did Napolean do for relaxation? He read a book. What did Lincoln do for relaxation? He read a book. What does Congress do for relaxation? They book a red.

Learned arguments do not make a man holy and righteous, whereas a good life makes him dear to God.

When you learn to love yourself, you will no longer tolerate mistreatment of any kind. Not from him. Not from her. And not from YOU.

Folks call me Ellis. I run an auto shop with a couple of my buddies. We're also in a band. I play bass.

War begun without good provision of money beforehand for going through with it is but as a breathing of strength and blast that will quickly pass away. Coin is the sinews of war.

An age is best revealed by its artists of the second rank.

Consensual reality is both fragile and elastic, and it heals like the skin of a bubble.

My dad was depressed a lot of the time, and there were a lot of things in his life that he never resolved.

One could look over the past century and ask oneself, has the increased longevity been good, bad or indifferent?

How do you change the world? One room at a time. Which room? The one you're in.

Lying makes a problem part of the future; truth makes a problem part of the past.