Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Don’t be afraid to change. Without change, there is no life.

What is more important for the world right now than preserving ways of living in balance with the earth?

We ought to be more focused on enemies without than preoccupied with finding them within.

There is no opinion, however absurd, which men will not readily embrace as soon as they can be brought to the conviction that it is generally adopted.

People only see as far as they are able and the rest of the truth is lost on them.

Americans understand we fight not a religion; ours is not a campaign against the Muslim faith. Ours is a campaign against evil.

There is such a thing as fanaticism, it is always wrong, and if you disagree, you're wrong too.

Making a company fit to sell may be the only way to ensure you never need a buyer.

Kick him when he's down, he's easier to reach.