In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

Nothing in life has any business being perfect.

There are no human gods here, just hoods who think they are.

For me, the biggest thing with money has always been independence - just the biggest.

Our future and our fate lie in our wills more than in our hands, for our hands are but the instruments of our wills.

Let light hearts remake us.

Nobody can be set free from a problem until they're willing to admit they have one.

Immigration security is national security.

Women innately have this weird thing where they try to have a perfect persona - to look perfect, be perfect, act perfect, have their kids look a certain way. Women put so much pressure on themselves.

The reason people are uncomfortable is because Donald Trump acts. He doesn't talk with a bunch of people about it before, he just acts.

We've created life in our own image.