If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Her joyful spirit would bring laughter and happiness to anyone in her life with the same natural ease that a rose blooms and sheds its perfume.

We were the people who were not in the papers. We lived in the blank white spaces at the edges of print. It gave us more freedom.We lived in the gaps between the stories.

God himself is referring to Jesus as light, illumination, knowledge, insight, understanding, wisdom

Thoughts are king, Trixie, king!

It is a mother's noble conceit to believe she has the power to take her child's suffering and do it for him.

Even as a kid I was never the generator of humor, but I always knew who was funny, who to hang out with.

Oh, listen a lot and talk less. You can't learn anything when you're talking.

No matter how much you plan for it, the real thing seems curiously, well, unreal.

I've always been fascinated by physics and cosmology. It gets more and more scary the older you get.

Living out here, I have found that many creatures would prefer not to fight. But if your first instinct is to reach for your sword, you will never discover that.