If you get into a customer service fight with a hooker, even if you're in the right, you're in the wrong.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

I love love because it comes in so many forms shapes sizes and colours. It fits everyone.

In the midst of the personified impersonal world, smiles dramatically connect humans.

At Christmas time, I spent an extortionate amount of money on Buzz Lightyear toys, baby clothes, Disney cars and the like.

Don't make the mistake of bringing your heart down here with you, there is no place for it in Furnace.

She grinned at me. 'You got types?' 'Only you darling - lanky brunettes with wicked jaws.

We look forward to analyzing and working with legislation that will make - it would hope - put a free press's mind at ease that you're not being denied information you shouldn't see.

The world doesn't pay you for what you know, it pays you for what you do.

Mindset of the man too busy: I am too busy BEING God to become LIKE God.

One of the things that I do like about filmmaking is that you find out how to solve new problems.

At the end of the day, a television, a computer, or a smart phone is just a device through which one can access content. The content itself is what matters, not the device.