I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

When my brother called to inform me, on the morning of May 22, 2003, that our mother Caroline Oates had died suddenly of a stroke, it was a shock from which, in a way, I have yet to recover.

Isn't television glamourous?

Human rights problems will always exist for years to come, but maybe they'll lessen somewhat.

God knows our situation; He will not judge us as if we had no difficulties to overcome. What matters is the sincerity and perseverance of our will to overcome them.

If you're going to stick around in this business, you have to have the ability to reinvent yourself, whether consciously or unconsciously.

Certain travelers give the impression that they keep moving because only then do they feel fully alive.

Before a man's forty, girls cost nothing. After that you have to pay money, or tell a story. Of the two, it's the story that hurts most. Anyway I'm not forty yet.

Children accept their world as the world. I grew up like kids that I went to school with. Their parents were either shrinks or actors.

If you stick with running, the day will come when you'll want to live forever.

I feel like we want women to be simpler, less complex, so we project a lot of versions of simplicity onto them to fit that.