I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let me just tell you, it's 22 hours by plane. So, if you have the opportunity, don't.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

The way to be invisible - is to truly be imaginary. But since you cannot imagine yourself, you have to clone your imagination into being an image of yourself. Imagine that.

The whales do not sing because they have an answer, they sing because they have a song.

Depressed people do things they wouldn't ordinarily do.

You can say it too little, but you can never say, Thank You, too many times.

People have told me that I'm courageous, but I have seen greater courage.

Do not hold everything as gold that shines like gold.

I eat a lot of junk food, because that's what's usually available at 1:00am when I'm all done working.

Rapping is talking and communicating, and that's always good.

I make writing as much a part of my life as I do eating or listening to music.

Keep up your bright swords, for the dew will rust them.