I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict. You need the guy to be out of step with society. It's a tool for comedy.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.

Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Do not be afraid of what should be afraid of you

Thank you Bjork Peterson for a wonderful review of my new book "Why We Love Serial Killers" @readingghost

Most American media outlets that are controlled by Jews seem to be reflexively, or at least habitually, anti-Israel.

When thou dost tell another's jest, therein Omit the oaths, which true wit cannot need; Pick out of tales the mirth, but not the sin.

It's far more important to know what person the disease has than what disease the person has.

We're gonna have some fun tonight.

Because I've taken my clothes off in public doesn't mean that I've revealed every inch of my soul.

The political philosophy of black nationalism means that the black man should control the politics and the politicians in his own community; no more.

Having caught a glimpse of what I might be able to do with my talent, I feel a tremendous obligation to try to fulfill it.

Some handsome and ambitious men believe they are above all morality, and a woman's virtue becomes a mere challenge to them.