I want to start saying bad words all the time!

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

The world would be a brighter, happier place, if we could only remember our childhood wonder.

Join me in taking back our country and creating a bright, glorious, and prosperous new future for our people. We will make America great again, and it will happen quickly.

You Know the Most Dangerous Thing In the Water? A Shark Fart.

We have to believe that everything has a cause, as the spider spins its web in order to catch flies. But it does this before it knows there are such things as flies.

You know this old style of American family series? Well, I sit there and cry.

I think one of the geniuses of Bound and The Matrix and Memento is the complete collaboration of the effort. There were no rotten apples.

Finding your passion isn't just about careers and money. It's about finding your authentic self. The one you've buried beneath other people's needs.

Don't pessimism and caution naturally go hand in hand?

I've been trying to find the word that says what I need to be in life. 'Brave' is the only word. It's the only thing that I ask myself to be.

Honesty and interest are as intimately connected in the public as in the private code of morality.