Don't pessimism and caution naturally go hand in hand?

Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.

The rule is: don’t use commas like a stupid person. I mean it.

If you still persist in writing, "Good food at it's best", you deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave.

The reason to stand up for punctuation is that without it there is no reliable way of communicating meaning.

Punctuation marks are the traffic signals of language: they tell us to slow down, notice this, take a detour, and stop.

There are people who embrace the Oxford comma and those who don't, and I'll just say this: never get between these people when drink has been taken.

Proper punctuation is both the sign and the cause of clear thinking.

Old radio comedy makes me laugh, as well as 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' and comedians like Paul Merton.

Texting is a fundamentally sneaky form of communication, which we should despise, but it is such a boon we don't care. We are all sneaks now.

Texting is a supremely secretive medium of communication - it's like passing a note - and this means we should be very careful what we use it for.

The greatest thing about dreams is they don’t expire. They can lay dormant for years and when you pull them out and dust them off, they shine like new.

Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.

I think he's beginning to understand, and understanding is a horrible thing.

Remember that our desires will not arrive by our schedule. If you really want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.

I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.

And you stupid, stupid woman, stupid for caring, stupid for thinking that he cared.

I don't think comedy is something you learn. I think it's something that's either there or it's not.

This world of ours has everything except one thing: peace. Everybody wants and needs peace, whether he be a child or an octogenarian.

I've read over 200 self improvement books. I know what to do to change my life around, but I have the fear of that change. What will happen then? I have the fear that something unexpected may occur.

[On golf:] One of the most distressing defects of civilization.