I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to this party and do some networking?"

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Show me a woman without guilt and I'll show you a man

LOVE: A word properly applied to our delight in particular kinds of food sometimes metaphorically spoken of the favorite objects of all our appetites.

The moment in Paris where I saluted Napoleon's tomb was one of the proudest of my life.

People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.

Your own creations are your own children; you gave life to them, so you'll always have, if not more passion to them, more connections to them.

The United States, for a French citizen, is a friend, an ally, to whom we owe, along with most Europeans, our freedom.

A woman who doesn't care what men think of her - ah, this is dangerous. This is the worst conceivable insult to the male ego.

Robert Johnson? No, I didn't know him, personally.

The two ingredients in success in basketball are playing hard and playing intelligently.

Being rich has never stopped anyone from being greedy.