I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

Non ero pronta ad amare nessun altro.

May you find the courage to rise above any circumstance.

You hope in this life that you grow and don't always repeat your mistakes.

We are indeed much more than what we eat, but what we eat can nevertheless help us to be much more than what we are.

He that raises a large family does, indeed, while he lives to observe them, stand a broader mark for sorrow; but then he stands a broader mark for pleasure too.

The question for the child is not Do I want to be good? but Whom do I want to be like?

Unless what you say benefits the other person, don't say it.

Time flies apace-we would fain believe that everything flies forward with it.

I would like to think there is a reason and a choice behind everything.

It's management's job to know.