I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Important principles may and must be flexible.

Women, we might as well be dogs baying the moon as petitioners without the right to vote!

Attention, if sudden and close, graduates into surprise; and this into astonishment; and this into stupefied amazement.

Many things we do naturally become difficult only when we try to make them intellectual subjects. It is possible to know so much about a subject that you become totally ignorant.

The key is being able to endure psychologically. When you're not riding well, you think, why suffer? Why push yourself for four or five hours? The mountains are the pinnacle of suffering

The abjection of our political situation is the only true challenge today. Only facing up to this situation in all its desperation can help us get out of it.

The Vietnam war was fought over portion size.

And that which yesterday was the novel opinion of one man, to-day becomes the general opinion of the majority.

My job is to defeat the guy in front of me, do it until he quits, and then wait for them to send in the next guy.

Religion is a bridge to the spiritual, but the spiritual lies beyond religion.