I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Love builds, encourages and strengthens.

Learn and train yourself to take the hits in life. Obstacles, barriers and setbacks will come. What matters is how you tackle them, work your way around or find your way through them.

Which is the least spoken language, world-wide?The language of Truth

I became a journalist because one didn't have to specialise.

Her Majesty's Secret Service wouldn't have me on the payroll.

Joe Torre would tell you to make sure you can hit the ball on the outside part of the plate

Forgiveness does not mean condoning what has been done. It means taking what happened seriously...drawing out the sting in the memory that threatens our entire existence.

Affliction is but the shadow of God's wing.

I am an author, and like many in my profession, I am also a traveling salesman, going all over in an attempt to persuade people to spend twenty-five dollars on a hardcover book by me.

I don't mind plain women being puritans. It is the only excuse they have for being plain.