I'm not that professional.

Tell me what you want, and then I'll put in what I want... after I'm done with my codependent providing for you, I'll get a little for me too.

I watch mediocre shows that have been on for three or four seasons, and feel angry at them.

Well, I refer to Celebrity Jeopardy as the short-bus Jeopardy, because it is a lot easier. Like, there was a whole column basically naming stores in New York.

One of the big tensions in my life is that I have known the stresses of financial hardship since I was a little kid, and it is the cancer for which I am seeking a cure.

I mean, I'll say the filthiest things in the world, but when it comes down to it, I'm kind of a prude.

I think the people that are best at something, they don't think about it much. That's the whole key to being good at anything.

Aside from accidentally by my kids, like wrestling around with my kids, no one has ever punched me in the face.

I've always tried to be nice to people, so that sort of translates into popularity, I guess.

I briefly considered doing Edgar Allan Poe and just swearing a lot.

No, I don't know any Emily Dickinson poems!

He was a mystery to her, and every time she tried to solve him it caused her a little more pain. But when she tired to give him up he pursued her in her thoughts, stronger each time.

If a man can save himself, there is no need for a Saviour.

Until you're grown-up they send you to reform school. After you're grown-up they send you to the penitentiary.

Being famous is not something that would make me feel successful - unless one was striving for mediocrity.

CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.

I bought the sweetness with this pain.

Leadership involves the heavy burden of responsibility, and the fear of getting it wrong can paralyze a leader.

We [must] realize that our future lies chiefly in our own hands.

Any method by which you get to see things that you haven't seen before hones your practiced ability to make connections.

A man is as old as his arteries.