I think the people that are best at something, they don't think about it much. That's the whole key to being good at anything.

Tell me what you want, and then I'll put in what I want... after I'm done with my codependent providing for you, I'll get a little for me too.

I watch mediocre shows that have been on for three or four seasons, and feel angry at them.

Well, I refer to Celebrity Jeopardy as the short-bus Jeopardy, because it is a lot easier. Like, there was a whole column basically naming stores in New York.

One of the big tensions in my life is that I have known the stresses of financial hardship since I was a little kid, and it is the cancer for which I am seeking a cure.

I mean, I'll say the filthiest things in the world, but when it comes down to it, I'm kind of a prude.

Aside from accidentally by my kids, like wrestling around with my kids, no one has ever punched me in the face.

I've always tried to be nice to people, so that sort of translates into popularity, I guess.

I briefly considered doing Edgar Allan Poe and just swearing a lot.

No, I don't know any Emily Dickinson poems!

Anything that I read, I read because I'm interested in it.

And the people of Ankh-Morpork are so thirsty for novelty that the whole city is, you might say, hurrying the future along for the sheer joy of watching its progress.

The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.

If the Super Bowl is really the ultimate game, why do they play it again next year?

It would be mockery to call such dreariness heaven at all.

The function of the creative artist consists of making laws, not in following laws already made.

Agency presupposes choice.

I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me.

In the capitalist society there is a place and bread for all. Its ability to expand provides sustenance for every worker. Permanent unemployment is not a feature of free capitalism.

As each breath goes out, let it be the end of that moment and the birth of something new. . .

Once fully enslaved, no nation, state, city of this earth ever afterward resumes its liberty.