I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

His mind was logical, but his traitorous heart stuttered from beat to beat.

You should marry me", he said. "I will be good to you. I am not like these men. I have manners. You would see how kind I would be. I would never leave you. You could have an easy life.

...the simple task of getting dressed and undressed was a real strain, but nothing could compare with her addiction to deep sleep...

Poets are mysterious, but a poet when all is said is not much more mysterious than a banker.

Mistrust those in whom the urge to punish is strong.

Make sure that every person, of whatever background, can find in you a welcoming heart.

Some people say I chastise the Republican Party too much.

The Republicans are 90% corrupt, and the Democrats are 50% corrupt.

Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Why not use the dollar for a bookmark?

To show compassion for an individual without showing concern for the structures of society that make him an object of compassion is to be sentimental rather than loving.