I like consistency. If you've had a childhood like mine, you want some things you can rely on to stay the same.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.

Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse.

I owe everything to the army.

You know I've got a chum, a smashing mate, he's got a dog with no legs, and he calls it a cigarette. It's true, yeah, because at nighttime he has to take it out for a drag.

It was absolutely thrilling to meet Laurel and Hardy, they were so nice.

But no, I've just been very lucky. But I've worked hard, and the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get.

I've got one idea I want to do for a film and you know I just enjoy myself doing bits and pieces.

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry

All my boyhood, all I ever wanted was to be loved.

My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad.

Only when you are able to hear the songs of a tree will you be able to understand the magnificence and magic of life.

The mistake is to assume that the way it feels at the moment is the way it will feel forever.

I believe a very large majority of church goers are merely unthinking, slumbering worshipers of an unknown God.

I have lived carefully, sheltered myself from the cold winds, eaten moderately of what was in season, drunk fine claret, slept in my own sheets; I shall live long.

There is no great concurrence between learning and wisdom.

By practicing Buddhist Yoga, you can become happy, ecstatic and free in your current incarnation, even if you have never been that way before in any of your past lives.

Someone creeping into his yard in the dead of night? More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering somewhere, covered in potato peelings.

There's no end to suspicion once you get going.

As a kid, I can't remember having anything to play with except a loose tooth. And that wasn't mine. It was my brother's.

Don’t stretch yourself too much with a mortgage. Buy within your means. It’s not worth the sleepless nights.