I hear Jerry Falwell every Sunday here talking about the devil and Hollywood. . . . I'm gonna write him a letter. Hollywood wasn't built on filth and dirt - it was built on talent.

I keep going because if you stop, you stop. Why retire? Inspire.

You always pass failure on the way to success.

Dont retire - inspire...Theres a lot to be done

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

Look, I come from vaudeville, I come from burlesque, I come from heartaches, I come from sadness, I come from gladness, I come from work and sweat and respect for the craft.

I don't regret anything I've ever done. I only wish I could have done more.

Life is an infiltration course. We all try and get through it. We all try and get through it unscathed - maybe not hurt, not bruised. No bones broken, maybe a few hearts here and there.

And that's the way I have always lived, for the laughs – today. N-O-W. No Other Way.

Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. There's the tryers, the criers, and the liars.

A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short.

You take the breath right out of meYou left a hole where my heart should be

You always miss 100% of the shots you don't order

The world begins to exist when the individual discovers it.

Then I kissed Max because I loved him, and everyone I had ever loved before had gone away and I had never kissed them goodbye

The World Is Not Enough

This is the Homosexuality Is An Abomination Club, right?

Meditation is the sharp tool to dig out the great treasure hidden within everybody's inner personality.

A man makes no noise over a good deed, but passes on to another as a vine to bear grapes again in season.

If Pizza sizes were given in area not diameter, you'd see instantly that a 7 inch is less than half the size of a 10 inch pie

Cats know, comin' out of four, they better be standin' on it, else they'll be standin' in it.