I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

The Sun, the Moon, the Stars, the Birds, the Animals, the Flowers are all proof that a Universal Power exists.

I love you as the moon loves the night.

Nothing can happen more beautiful than death.

Poetry which owes no man anything, owes nevertheless one debt - an image of the world in which men can again believe.

If I had one dollar left, I'd spend it on PR

When safety is our priority, we live our lives being very, very careful, and we wind up having no lives

Mass communication can aid in personal evangelism and the development of Christians, but it cannot be a substitute for the world seeing the truth lived through us.

Art doesn't exist if you just do what you're told. It only exists as an exercise of individual taste and freedom.

Faith must become more than a verbal proclamation or an intellectual assent. True faith must be acted out.

...that I alone hold the definition of what I am.