I hate when men think that money is gonna buy you happiness... I mean, it helps.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

You didn’t make her sue you, even if you did punch her at that wedding.

Robert Taylor was not only a splendid actor in a wide variety of roles but one of the most handsome men in the western world.

Johnny's in the basement Mixing up the medicine I'm on the pavement Thinking 'bout the government.

Arrogance is, as it were, a solicitation on the part of one seeking honor for followers, whom he thinks he is entitled to treat with contempt.

Being an actress is the sublimation of feminity.

God is sovereign. His grace cannot be tamed.

As commander-in-chief, I will do whatever it takes to defend America. But in defending America, we cannot lose what America stands for.

People who succeed at the highest level are not lucky; they're doing something differently than everyone else.

I'll tell you this about the Oscars - they're real.