I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Never see yourself as being superior to others

A writer should write what he has to say and not speak it.

Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.

Fine music without devotion is but a splendid garment upon a corpse.

the instant he knew he loved her, she slipped down his body and out of his arms

But in the long run we're not going to be able to keep out of state trash away from Pennsylvania.

You have not failed until you quit trying.

Love will make a way out of no way

It is still just unbelievable to us that diarrhea is one of the leading causes of child deaths in the world.

Communities and countries and ultimately the world are only as strong as the health of their women.