I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

Three women walk into a pub and say, 'Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

Nobody's ever asked me to a party before, as a friend. Is that why you dyed your eyebrow, for the party? Should I do mine too?

My eyes were stinging, my body shaking, and my heart seemed to be just aching deep in my chest. (...)I should have let myself smash down the rocks. It would have hurt a whole lot less

The world laughs at things it would really prefer to admire, and like Aesop's fox it criticizes things it covets.

I blame Jeb for letting you be such a smart aleck.” I stared at her. “I blame you for altering my DNA! I mean, I have wings, lady! What were you thinking?

We really need to get over this love affair with the fetus and start worrying about children.

If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?

The prudent man really frames his own fortunes for himself.

Don't worry, little dhampir. You might be surrounded by clouds, but you'll always be like sunshine to me.

I really dislike watching myself on screen. I am very insecure about my acting. We are our own biggest critics. I have to sit in another room to my parents when they watch it.

One can't predict the weather more than a few days in advance.