I don't want to scare anybody here but we just received word from police that Howard Dean is loose and may be armed with a microphone.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

Love and honor the world around you, and you experience life in its fullest. There is no “Other.” There is simply us. The all of us, the whole of us. The mankind of us. Anything else is a lie.

I sit where the leaves of the maple and the gnarled and knotted gum are circling and drifting around me.

I always try to practice what I preach. I meditate for fifteen minutes every day and do yoga several times a week.

I like growing up; I feel like I have an old soul. I like the age to match as much as it can.

Reality is a creation of our excesses.

I've always loved musical theatre. I've always been a big kind of closeted musical theatre nerd. I really have always dreamed about being able to do musical theatre.

We were all children once. And we all share the desire for the well-being of our children, which has always been and will continue to be the most universally cherished aspiration of humankind.

I want teachers to teach, and I want Oreos to be eaten.

I love babies. I love being pregnant and I loved giving birth.

I mean, I love California, but LA to me is still a strange place.