I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate.

I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also

I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires

I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta. I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors.

People in New York love having roof parties.

I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport.

I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase

I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place

My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act.

I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians.

You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6.

For every one pupil who needs to be guarded from a weak excess of sensibility there are three who need to be awakened from the slumber of cold vulgarity

It is not good to be too free. It is not good to have all one wants.

I'm from Florida, so any time I get invited to come to Florida and play a show, I'm definitely always up for that.

I voted against Gerald Nabarro in my first general election, but my defiance made no difference. If you had put a Conservative rosette on a mustachioed hamster, it would have been elected.

Pastors spend a good bit of time helping people with their sin. Who helps them with their sin?

I'm very proud of my pro-life record, and I've always adopted the idea that, the position that the method of conception doesn't change the definition of life.

Life is a series of problem-solving opportunities. The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you depending on how you respond to them.

My place, your place, slapped face, rat race.

While you make pretty speeches I'm being cut to shreds You feed me to the lions A delicate balance.

'Pastoralia' by George Saunders is one of my favorite novels.