I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I don't have cancer.

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.

When you watch Robin Williams, you can see a lot of Jonathan Winters. Robin is the first one to admit that; he worshiped Jonathan Winters.

Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.

Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

Everything in life is nonsense. It's just a question of perspective.

My decision to start a new one is just that, a decision, since I never get inspirations.

Male athletes don't get dropped when they father kids.

I will never master this craft. Orchestras are very, very forthcoming with me.

You have to draw on your unconscious when you make a film - you can't worry about whether it's costing a lot of money.

Repentance clothes in grass and flowers the grave in which the past is laid.

I certainly think that a Labour Government will have to have effective powers to control the outflow of capital.

Art is not an end in itself, but a means of addressing humanity.

An initiative was essentially led by civil society because the policy of the government was that Africans must not be taught to graze in pastures which were reserved for the main white group.

A small communication breakdown is enough for everyone to be working on slightly different things. And then you loose focus.